How do you change behavior?

There is only one way to change behavior: Alter the “flavor” of emotion associated with that behavior. Outside of a physical addiction to a particular substance all other behaviors are emotion based. As I described in the last blog, you engage in a behavior because on some level it is pleasurable.

What if the behavior you engage in no longer serves your best interest?

I have found two approaches that bring the best results when they are used together and consistently until you have succeeded in changing the behavior.

First: You must become fully present and aware of the behavior. Much of our behavior is an automatic reaction (habit) to a given situation rather than a reaction resulting from a consideration of the circumstances and the best solution to those circumstances. In other words, we don’t think we act. So the first step is becoming aware of a situation before your automatic response kicks in. This is going to take some practice so be patient with yourself.

Second: You must consciously associate the undesirable behavior with a “flavor” of emotion which is also undesirable. This is actually a two-step process. In the first step you are going to have to connect the feeling of the outcome of the behavior with the activity itself which may still be pleasurable to you on some level.

Remember the statement I made in the previous blog about people continuing to behave in a certain way even though the outcome of that behavior is not what they expect or want? You’ve got to connect that (bad) feeling with the behavior. As you begin to consciously do this you will naturally want to avoid the (bad) feelings that will be associated with that behavior.

The second step is going to require you to replace that (bad) behavior with behavior that feels good and is pleasurable. The sense of personal power that comes from feeling “in control” because you no longer automatically engage in (bad) behavior is a great source of pleasure and over time your mind will always seek that pleasure over anything which makes it feel pain…

-Bob Baran