How do you finally put an end to a situation?

Especially when it is already over… except in your mind?

I’m talking about the emotional after effect I call “angsting”. The emotional rollercoater you ride which is propelled by all those “what ifs”, “did I do the right thing”, etc.

The first challenge you have is to look at the situation and decided whether or not it is actually “over”.

Your mind may not think so but reality may be something else. The real problem may be that you are the only who feels the situation is still “in play”. This is what causes many seeming stable and balanced individuals to take actions they usually regret later.

“Angst”, as far as I define it, is that phase you go through were your “inner talk” goes into panic mode. It’s as if you have an inability to accept the reality of a situation, so you continue to analyze it. Ironically, you find yourself asking the same questions over and over again. Yet, no answer is “the answer”. There is no magic bullet that ceases the panic and the pain.

By its’ very nature, angst never brings resolution. It exists in a place between a change in your life and your full acceptance of the reality of that change.

In other words, your mind refuses to accept the reality and avoids this final resolution. It does so by continuing to question the various aspects of the situation as if there is still a possibility to actually change them.

This is further complicated by the fact that you find yourself unable to actually take any physical action on your concerns. So the confusion continues on the “inside” while nothing changes on the “outside”.

By the way, that part of you which has in fact resolved not to take any physical action is an important safety valve. I would hate to think what kind of trouble I would have gotten myself into if this fail-safe mechanism wasn’t working.

If you find yourself (or someone you know) in the midst of angst, it’s good to know that, like a storm, it will pass in time. Of course when you are going though it, the only thing you are focused on is rehashing the various aspects of the situation. The biggest challenge is coming to grips with reality… which will happen incrementally. A little bit here and there until the full acceptance of the reality of the situation finally sinks in. Then that inner conversation ceases as if someone flipped a switch.

It’s important to remember than when you or someone you know is going through angst, no amount of rational thinking really seems to help.

Remember: “The answer” will never make sense during this phase, because it is our inability to face reality which triggers the angst to begin with. You have to go through it, give it the time it needs and finally “let go”… It’s painful when you don’t want to believe something. Your mind focuses on anything other than the reality it must eventually face.

The tranquilizer industry makes billions a year because people refuse to “go through” this normal, natural psychological process.

-Bob Baran