I recently received an email asking me why a person would be frustrated and upset with everything and everybody outside of herself.

This gave me pause because I had to ask a few more questions before I could give an answer. The questions I asked were these:

Are you feeling betrayed by people and the “things” that are happening to you? Do you feel like you are the only one taking “things” seriously?

A question I should have asked is whether or not she found herself easily losing patience with people.

I think being frustrated and upset with everybody and everything is actually a form of panic attack. Imagine this scenario:

You find yourself in a situation where you are depending upon the actions and reactions of someone to be predictable. Then without warning the last thing you could imagine takes place. Something you weren’t prepared for and never expected. You are immediately thrown off balance…and time seems to slow down. It takes forever to get a reaction to your questions, it’s as if the person you are talking to is paralyzed or has suddenly gone into slow motion. You get very impatient and raise the “temperature” of the situation… After all, you’re incredulous at what is happening… and nothing you can do or say is changing anything.

What I’ve just described is a situation which triggers a panic attack. Your reaction of frustration and anger is how you are dealing with the feeling of panic you’re experiencing. The problem is your fight or flight response has kicked in because of the adrenaline in your bloodstream (caused by your panic). Now you raise the temperature with your frustration and anger in order to compensate for the panic you are feeling.

Hey, I’ve had this happen to me. I think everyone has.

It’s normal when it happens once in a great while because of a completely out of the ordinary situation taking place. If it’s happening on a regular or day to day basis, I would say you are having a continuing internal panic issue that is keeping your adrenaline level higher than normal thereby making your feeling of frustration and anger happen much more quickly. In other words, your fuse keeps getting shorter and shorter.

What do you do about it?

You’ve got to remove yourself from the environment which is causing the trigger. Then you have to pull back and evaluate what’s going on. What can you change about yourself and your expectations that can give you a healthier “buffer” for your reactions?

One of the things that worked for me was to learn how to expect the unexpected. I learned this skill in “defensive driving” class many years ago. You need to be able to put yourself into a mindset which prevents you from reacting with panic when something doesn’t go as you expect it to go. This way you’re not so surprised, caught off guard and the situation won’t trigger a panic response.

The bottom line? Maybe you need to take an extended vacation, change your job, get professional help…and start working on yourself.

Then again, maybe all you need to do is to “vent” to sympathetic listener who understands what you are going through.

-Bob Baran