I was contact by an old friend recently.

She had confided in me a few years ago about serious apprehensions, regarding her fiance and marriage. I recall asking some pointed questions. Lke: “What are your reasons for considering marriage”? Based on the answers, I cautioned her not to jump into marriage. She was young and from the perspective of of someone 30 years her elder, many things would change in her life in the next two or three years. “Give yourself some time”, I said.

She didn’t listen.

Less than three years later she has a child and is living alone. When she contacted me she made a reference to our previous conversation: “You kind of predicted this, didn’t you?”…Sadly, I explained to her that you can often accurately predict the outcome of a situation based upon the reasoning given for the actions taken…

In other words, it was no surprise to me.

Your attitudes, opinions and beliefs create a kind of predictability to your decisions and actions. The situations you then find yourself in are the ramifications of those decisions and actions. It doesn’t require a psychic to accurately predict how something is probably going to turn out… Especially when those decisions are being made based upon the ever shifting, easily manipulated attitudes, opinions and beliefs which is the foundation of “immaturity”.

Sorry kid, your reasons for getting married had little to do with the profound commitment two people make to each other… As I recall, you didn’t understand that part of it.

Your reasoning was destined to quickly collapse with a little bit of life experience. You see, only now are you finally beginning to question yourself. What is becomming important to you now had very little to do with your decision 3 years ago. Back then you were honest with me but couldn’t bring yourself to speak with the same honesty to the man you decided to marry.

Which means you were not able to feel safe being honest with yourself.

You got caught up in the whirlwind of the adventure. (of getting married) Once the wind calmed down and the day to day stuff of life took over, you found yourself in a place you didn’t want to be. You were married but still felt alone. The connection you wanted to have with your man just wasn’t there… It never was there and you knew it before you got married…

There is a great life lesson here:

You must become honest with yourself and always acknowledge the truth you know and feel. The fear of losing something or someone has been the reason for more misery than any other factor of human existence. You have an opportunity to get in touch with your true self now. It won’t be a dramatic awakening… it will happen in steps. You need to guard and protect this new relationship, as you begin to make friends with this “person”. She has been waiting and is ready to be your best friend.

Look in the mirror and say “hello”!

-Bob Baran