The Best Years of Your Life… Now!

I just got off the phone with a friend of mine. We were discussing the misunderstanding many people have about the difference between risk and debt.

Risk is investing in something (preferably yourself) that has the likelihood of creating the value necessary to pay-back any monetary commitment that may have been necessary.

Debt is a one-way street. There is no possibility of growing value from the money spent.

Those of us who are in business for ourselves and those who take their careers seriously know all too well, the importance of investing in yourself. It makes you more valuable to your business or to your employer. Risk is a highly leveraged way to expand the potential return of your business and career trajectory.

On the other hand, spending money on things and experiences which have no value other than entertainment or distraction, is like hanging an albatross around your neck. The momentary distraction will be a forgotten memory by the time albatross begins to foul the air.

As the economy goes through a correction it’s important for you to not become insecure about investing in yourself.

This is always the safest thing you can do with your money. If you have to borrow in the coming months, you may want to consider whether you are creating debt or expanding your ability to create more wealth by taking a risk…

Take the risk!

-Bob Baran

I had an interesting response to my recent blog about envy: What if my fear of other people’s envy (of me) prevents my success?

I was taken aback when I heard this. I hadn’t considered what other people thought of my own success for such a long time that I had forgotten that there indeed was a time when “how other people would react” was actually something I considered. In my case I didn’t think of what I was accomplishing in my life as having success. I’m just living a lifestyle that let’s me live life on my own terms. Having good things and experiences in my life is just a natural by-product of how I choose to live. I never think about how it’s going to affect someone else as far as their being envious.

I remember very distinctly when I was in high school, being laughed at the first day of my sophomore year because I was wearing a shirt I thought looked cool. It was wild, multi-color fruit print…very bold, very loud. I never wore that shirt to school again. The next time I wore that shirt I was playing in a band…Suddenly, it was cool because I was cool.

That was just one of the experiences which led me to not consider how other people were going to react to my success. I always figured if they were not supportive I didn’t need them in my life. More importantly, If I had people in my life who had influence over my decisions who would be negative about my attempts to live my dreams, it was time for me to change that situation.

As far as people you don’t know being envious of your success:

The most important thing you can do is be humble. Be supportive and encourage others to follow their dreams. Be grateful that your life is going in the direction you want it to go. On the other hand, if you really have an issue with other people’s negative reaction to your success, which you believe prevents you from attempting to be successful, then you are looking at deeper self-esteem issues. The reason I say this is you have created a fantasy resistance and have used that to trick yourself into not trying.

It’s the ultimate ego trip to not to want to “hurt” or cause anyone to be “envious” of your success. Sorry I can’t be more empathetic on this one. It sounds like you never evolved past those high school days where the insecurity of your peers and your need to be accepted was your basic criteria for the decisions you made. As an adult, no matter what you do somebody somewhere is going to be critical. So what?

The envy of others, should be looked at as a compliment.

It means you’re accomplishing something they aren’t. Remember: Envy is the first reaction of those who refuse to take responsibility for the lack of joy and fulfillment in their own lives!

-Bob Baran

Get out paper and pencil… Now make this assumption:

If money were no object what are the top five things or experiences you would have right now.

Once you’ve written your list, ask yourself how close you are to achieving anything you’ve written. Are any of the things on your list what you’re actually working toward in your day-to-day life? Or are they fantasies?

Anything we achieve in our lives usually starts as a “what if”. Then we imagine scenarios about how our lives would be if the thing or experience we desired was a part of it. Over time if we keep the fire of desire burning we find that opportunities, to bring what we want into our lives, begin to appear. It usually happens in a manner which is easy and comfortable for us to take the necessary action.

What separates a dream from a fantasy is that you can make a dream come true.

A fantasy on the other hand remains something you never act upon or actually pursue. The reason is a fantasy always requires someone else to do the “heavy lifting”… A lot of frustration and unhappiness is caused by fantasies being confused with dreams.

During the years I spend as a Producer, I had many star-crossed wanna-be rock stars approach me with the same line: “If you produce me, you’ll make a ton of money when I make it.” It was always difficult for them to hear me tell them that “making it” was a fantasy. On the other hand, recording a first-class demo or album was a dream that was very possible and doable.

My message to them: “Expecting me to pay for your production is a fantasy because I have no control over what you are going to do with it after it leaves here…but this is what it’s going to cost if you want me to produce you”.

A fantasy always assumes someone else is going to swoop down and take care of your needs…

A dream is the desire for a thing or experience which begins within your current day-to-day reality . You are able to take steps yourself that gets the ball rolling. By the time the help of other people is needed you will have already created the sufficient value necessary for their participation.

You can make a dream happen. A fantasy is waiting for someone else to make your dream come true.

-Bob Baran

Once again the headlines are telling us about a person who came from a good family, went to all the right schools, rose through the political ranks became the high profile Governor of New York and then did something really stupid.

Something inexplicable within the context of the life he appeared to be living.

Which brings up an interesting point: The life he appeared to be living was obviously not reflecting who he really was. How could a man of his intelligence set up and participate in a situation which would destroy him?

There are a number of people who go through the motions of living a life while their real intent is well hidden. (At least they think it’s hidden) No matter how successful their day-to-day life appears to be they actually hate themselves and hate the life they are living. These people will always set themselves up for destruction… by their own hand.

Self destructive people are a fact of life and socio-economic status provides no safety net. You can just as easily destroy your life whether you are a Governor or a homeless person with an addiction. The end result is the same. Your world collapses around you because of your behavior.

There isn’t enough time in this blog to examine the psychological reasons for this kind of behavior but one thing must be made clear:

Self destruction is always the result of living a lie.

It’s the result of your inner-world being out of sync with your outer-world. It is always sad to see obvious self destructive behavior take it’s toll. The question is, at what point do you cross over into acting out your secret inner-life? In the case of the Governor, his addiction became overpowering. How else can you explain the series of missteps he took? He wanted to be caught. His life must have been in chaos for quite a while.

It’s unfortunate that his out of control activities has come home to roost. What a powerful, dramatic lesson this man had to learn. Whatever becomes of his public career, I hope he is able to find his true self and live the rest of his life as a much greater man than the direction his life was taking him.

He could be a great inspiration for others who may yet avoid his downfall.

-Bob Baran

Seeking fame is a form of ego gratification.

The insecure nature of the ego requires it to constantly seek affirmation and validation from sources outside of itself. This is necessary in order for it (the ego) to justify and accept the basis of its own reality.

The ego is a very insecure mechanism. It has to seek sources outside of itself to add support and proof to what it contends is real and valid. The ego is a mechanism of the left-brain analytical mind. You could call it the “user interface”. Ego has its foundation of what is real, based on your current attitudes, opinions and beliefs. Since this is (for many people) a changing and evolving foundation, the ego is always seeking to prove what it believes is valid from the physical world, through the five senses.

Fame is proof to the ego that it’s version of what’s real is actually valid.

Because other egos applaud, respect and take seriously what it presents as real and valid, it therefore must be real and valid. Fame therefore is a band-aid attempting to stop the never ending insecurity of the ego.

Why would the ego be insecure?

The reason is, the ego is constantly trying to justify a changing reality which is the by-product of your attitudes, opinions and beliefs. The ego is constantly attempting to create new anchor points, in which it can find solid ground, for what it currently attempts to justify as real. Part of finding that solid ground is needing recognition…The more insecure the ego, the greater amount of recognition it requires to pacify the feeling of insecurity.

Anyone who seeks fame because they need adulation is attempting a short-term fix for a feeling of insecurity. Short-term because fame never lasts.

Your true self bases its validity, upon the knowingness of how the process of life works. True self does not need fame or any other kind of recognition. It is not made insecure by the changing foundation of attitudes, opinions and beliefs. It’s supported and validated by the very experience of growth and expanding consciousness. The same things which create insecurity and the need for validation in the ego.

True self relies upon the mastery of the process of the life experience for its validation. Ego seeks its validation from the illusion of reality we perceive through our five senses. True self perceives the whole picture which is both the inner and outer experience of life. Ego, is limited to only the temporary and ever changing outer experience.

Sometimes fame comes as a by-product to those who’s mastery of the process of life reaches beyond the moment and establishes a new benchmark of what is real and possible. In this situation it provides a means of continuing the exploration and discovery. For this person fame is nothing more than a tool, necessary for reaching a wider audience with a greater truth.

-Bob Baran