From my experience as a Mentor, Consultant and Life Coach the single biggest cause of problems is the inability to say ” NO! “.

Let me put it another way: The biggest challenge most people have is reacting to a situation in a manner which they regret later. Agreeing to do something that turns out not to be in their best interest or the interest of others because they wanted to appear helpful, positive and supportive.

Okay, I can understand the helpful, positive and supportive thing. But what happens when you agree to do something you can’t deliver on? You’re momentary desire to appear “good” turns into a stress-filled bad experience when you have to face the reality of your commitment… and you end up looking flakey when you deliver excuses instead of what you promised.

For a lot of people, the initial reaction may be to say ” NO! “.

Something inside is making them feel uncomfortable but they ignore the feeling. Why would someone ignore their apprehension about something? The answer is they don’t trust themselves. Instead of paying attention to what’s going on inside, they respond with their ego… and as you can probably guess, anytime you respond to anything with your ego, you’re creating a slippery slope.

Learning how to say ” NO! ” when you know you can’t deliver on your commitment is transformative. You stop creating situations that cause you stress and ultimately make you look bad. As you become an individual who says what you mean and does what you say, your respect and credibility begins to rise accordingly. People start taking you seriously and you find that you become much more effective when you are able to commit yourself to situations where you can actually deliver the goods.

Practice saying “NO!” until you learn how to pick and choose those situations you can succeed at. At least defer making a decision until you have all of the information necessary. Take some time to see whether or not you can make an effective commitment.

There’s a good reason why people who say “NO! ” get more respect:

When they say “YES! ” their word is as good as gold.

-Bob Baran