I have a friend who’s looking for a job.

She was on a short list for a particular job. The problem was it would require a substantial change to her lifestyle.  A long commute and being “on call” 24 hours a day.  

I was taken aback when she first told me she was seriously considering the potential job.  You see, it was completely different from all of the other jobs she was applying for.  

When I finally realized why she was considering the job I brought my realization to her attention.

The real reason was everyone treated her really well. They made her feel good. 

The fact that she was over qualified for the job and would soon become unhappy once the reality of the day-to-day rigors of the job set in – didn’t really click with her – until I brought up a certain behavior pattern she was about to repeat.

She had a tendency to “lose herself” in those situations where she was complimented and treated “special”. When I pointed out that more than once in her past she had gotten herself into situations she later regretted – because of that very same process of being “charmed” – she was surprised.

“I didn’t realize you could see that about me – thank you for pointing it out”

“What are friends for?” was my response.  After all, I’ve known her for ten years and have gotten to know quite a bit about her over time.

My advice to her was:  ”Don’t lose a sense of yourself and what you really want because you find a situation which plays to your ego – all you’re doing is “falling in love – with yourself” – and when that happens you make yourself vulnerable and open to compromises …and you may make decisions that are not in your best interest.” 

To which she replied: “yeah – that’s exactly how I ended up getting married!”

-Bob Baran