Now I want to address the second reason…

I call this the “gunny-sacker”

This is the person who never really forgets, forgives and moves on.

The worst type of “gunny-sacker” is the one who claims they’ve moved on and “let go” of the past only to have it continue to build under the surface until one day it explodes! And all that pent-up anger and bitterness is revealed! Classic “passive-aggressive” behavior.

It’s classic behavior because from all outward appearances – everything seems okay with this person. They maintain a fairly consistent demeanor over time. But he or she may be the greatest of all frauds! What they really feel and who they really are is something they continue to suppress.

This suppression comes from “fear of confrontation” – In other words, they simply keep avoiding dealing with their truth in a given situation – misleading others who may also be involved in their day-to-day life with a false-front. So, when the “gunny-sacker” reveals their true nature – everybody is surprised by the totally out of character behavior.

The only people not surprised by the “new” behavior are those who have known this person throughout their life. Especially family members who have seen this pattern so many times before. They are the ones who just seem to stand by waiting for the “true behavior” to appear. They are not surprised at all – in fact, they often enable the behavior!

Of the two types of people I’ve described beginning with the last blog post – this “second” type is the most entrenched. Ultimately the most dishonest when it comes to dealing with how they feel. Since their main objective is to “please someone” or “mollify” a given situation – because of their fear of a confrontation – they have a fear of expressing how they really feel.

It is very easy for this type of person to adapt a “persona” which from the outside makes them look very stable and pleasant.

The danger is when this individual is finally triggered into revealing their true nature… Who they really are under the surface.

Like I said, only those with a long-term history with this type of an individual will not be surprised by how they act…

How do you recognize this type of person?

Lot’s of unfounded fear. Which flies in the face of who their “persona” claims to be. I’ve actually seen someone freeze in the face of danger – where the normal reaction would be “fight or flight”. This unnatural fear of confronting the situation at hand with a healthy basic survival instinct – could create a terrible feeling of “responsibility” for the welfare of this type of person for somebody close to them.

Can you imagine what it would be like to be married to someone like this? How you would be constantly concerned for this individual’s lack of normal self preservation reactions to the unexpected situations of day-to-day life?

It’s like having a child in an adult body who you fear cannot take care of their own safety - a terrible place to find yourself. But a double edged-sword when this action causes your concern for their welfare to be perceived as “your trying to control them”…

A no-win situation that far too many people have had to contend with!

The nightmare is watching your honest concern being turned into an ugly, awful untruth.

You need to pay attention to a couple of big things:

1. They act as if they forgive and forget – much more quickly than the “normal” time needed to heal from an emotional conflict. Be very careful when you experience this with someone. If they go from conflict to “instant happy” – in a manner of minutes -they may not be processing the experience fully and have instead “gunny-sacked” it by compartmentalizing the full emotion of the experience. It doesn’t go away – It’s actually placed upon a mountain of other experiences this individual is incapable of dealing with.

2. Pay real close attention to their past track record! What they have done through the years may be a very obvious pattern of a reoccurring deep seated emotional and psychological problem. You need to look beyond who they seem to be “right now” and take a look at the patterns of action which may be the real truth of who they are.

Unless that individual has had professional help and engaged in therapy, I would be very concerned about this person becoming a time-bomb you invite into your life.

Can you imagine being married to such a person for several years – building a life together – and one day this individual reverts back to a behavior you never before experienced? Yet was so clearly expressed again and again within the patterns of their past life experiences. Pay attention to reality!

I don’t think Stephen King has even written a more horrible and terrifying story – one that – until you experience it personally – seems totally unbelievable and impossible. The most horrifying part of this story is that in the end – you become the monster – everything you did – even your best intentions – are turned around on you!

In tomorrows blog post I’m going to discuss how to pull back from being controlled by your “construct” and finally allowing your true self – the “observer” – “the wise mind” to take back control of your autopilot reactions – and give you real peace, joy and the ability to experience true love in your life…

On a lighter note: Here’s a video of “When Love Comes Again” from my new web site Our Special Secret.com hope you enjoy! click here

-Bob Baran