The Best Years of Your Life… Now!

(Beginning November 18, I decided to go on a three day “joy fast”… An experiment where maintaining a consistent joyful attitude would be the goal – being consciously aware of any potential “tests” that may try to slip me a downer)

Obviously this experiment isn’t going to end with “Day Three”

I had no idea: Consciously focusing on what seemed to be such a simple thing – shifting my attention toward “joy” – would cause such a surprising number “tests” by day three.

I understand why you hear things like: “If you can get through day three”… On a diet or quitting smoking or any other addiction – you can probably succeed.

There’s a reason that has nothing to do with a physical reaction to addiction.

I’ve believe that allowing yourself to go to “fear, uncertainty and doubt” is a psychological addiction as powerful as any physical addiction to “drugs”.

When dealing with an emotional addiction – there is a part of you that screams for validation.

Consider this:

There is a seperate personality – with all of the same layers of rationale – as what you consider to be your normal healthy personality – which is based upon experience and “programming” that will interfere with a conscious decision on your part to “shift to joy”…

It’s like some strange “failsafe” mechanism. “If you really want to change you’re gonna have to deal with me first!”

This part of your personality must be recognized, acknowledged and incrementally adjusted to not shift into a panic mode because of your conscious desire to experience joy.

Unless you are capable of fractionalizing your F.U.D.
(fear, uncertainty and doubt) putting those feelings into a box and moving it over – just out of sight of your attention… (which gives you temporary relief but sets you up for a catastrophic break-down later)

You have to make a conscious choice to simply shift your attention…

You can go from full-on emotional intensity to pure joy as quickly as “flipping and inner switch”…

Now, here’s the catch:

You have to recognize – in the moment you are experiencing F.U.D.- that you can drop all emotional overtones and shift your attention – as if you were changing the channel on your television..

How is this different than “fractionalizing”?

Fractionalizing how you feel is actually a fear response to dealing with the emotional intensity of a situation. Nothing changes – you just move things out of your “field of vision”.

Consciously shifting your attention is essentially making the decision that you now choose to “let go” of the F.U.D. rather than just move it over.

This is a big difference.

Shifting your attention is like instantaneously declaring an end to those emotional feelings which will never be resolved – only re-played.

It’s an immediate acceptance that you’re finished – and your full attention can now be placed wherever else you choose. Without fear of being “haunted” later by unresolved emotion laden memories.

I hope you see the difference between fractionalizing and resolution…

If you fractionalize a part of your reality – it never goes away and you will continue to be haunted by the ghosts of unresolved emotional memories. I think this kind of “denial” mechanism can lead to severe personality disorder in an individual who has used this mechanism as a way of coping with situations during his or her life.

If you’ve fractionalized rather than worked through – and consciously shifted – you’re probably still working through your “issues” with a “therapist”…

Attempting to rationalize your choices with more rationalizations...

The problem is you can’t bury the truth of a situation no matter how hard you try… And any “professional” who can’t tell the difference between the fractionalization of denial – and working through a process that brings resolution – should be avoided like the plague!

Conscious resolution

This is where you really begin to create the foundation of a new life. The recognition that you can shift your attention – because you have examined through introspection – taking personal responsibility and using the power of self-forgiveness – positions you to neutralize the emotional charge of the memory – and transform it into an experience… One that has taught you something about yourself…

I had this experience the evening of “Day Three”...

It was an unforgettable conscious shift. As if something said to me: “Okay, you’re done with this – let’s focus on this now”… And I consciously shifted my attention. Wow!

As I’m writing this it’s early evening on “Day Four” of what is going to continue to be a conscious attitude and lifestyle choice on my part.

Here’s to “Three Days of Joy” turning into a lifetime of fulfillment.

On a lighter note: Here’s a video of “When Love Comes Again” from my new web site Our Special Secret.com hope you enjoy! click here

-Bob Baran

(Beginning November 18, I decided to go on a three day “joy fast”… An experiment where maintaining a consistent joyful attitude would be the goal – being consciously aware of any potential “tests” that may try to slip me a downer)

Day Two brings so many insights and I’ve been busy writing down this marvelous flow. Here’s something that may sound familiar to you:

I”ve always known I have this habit… I’m suddenly hyper aware of it because of the experiment – and glad to see it for what it is…

I call it anticipatory conversation…

I engage in a conversation with someone over an issue and become involved emotionally. While this is taking place in my head! I anticipate a conversation and then go down that road literally talking to myself – as I’m playing both parts of the conversation.

It’s like “role playing” on steroids…

Talk about wasting time and energy! The funny thing is that all too often when I finally do have a real conversation – it’s nothing like the one I acted out before hand…

The conversation in my head seems to be for the benefit of calming my F.U.D. (fear, uncertainty and doubt) as it seems to want to react to and anticipate the worst scenario…

Catching this habit now during my three days of joy experiment has kind of blown my mind…

I’ve always prided myself on my ability to “shoot from the hip” – that is trust myself and my reaction to a situation in the moment it’s taking place. So why then do I habitually engage in “preparing for the worst”?

Ever heard the old cliche: Expect the best but prepare for the worst?

I think it goes a bit deeper than my upbringing on the streets of Detroit – where that cliche may have saved me from pain and grief back in the day.

I think my habit may have been reinforced from being being caught off guard in my younger years when an unexpected situation found me chastising myself – after the fact – because of how I acted.

You know what?

I haven’t had one of those “caught off guard” situations in such a long time that I’m kind of surprised – now that I’m thinking about it – I still fall into that habit.

My naturally confident joyful Bob doesn’t need to rehearse or pre-empt a situation or conversation- before it actually takes place.

Just remembering to trust myself will enable me to more readily catch myself before I slip into rehearsal mode – and all it’s energy robbing emotional overtones.

Instead, relax knowing I’ll land on my feet when and if the situation or conversation takes place. It’s a matter of trusting all those years of experience we’ve accumulated… And, knowing you are going to land on your feet.

Wow!

I think I’ve really recognized a source of the habitual draining of my joy energy… This experiment continues to be astonishing.

I’m going to make some videos about it. This is significant stuff!

On a lighter note: Here’s a video of “When Love Comes Again” from my new web site Our Special Secret.com hope you enjoy! click here

-Bob Baran

(Beginning November 18, I decided to go on a three day “joy fast”… An experiment where maintaining a consistent joyful attitude would be the goal – being consciously aware of any potential “tests” that may try to slip me a downer)

I Call This Mindset: Conscious Positivity

This is interesting:

Having a mindset that I may get “tested” but knowing that’s all it is – just a test and not a permanent situation – has empowered me to realize nothing can trigger a F.U.D. (fear, uncertainty and doubt) response. Instead I find myself now smiling at incidents that would have otherwise “chilled” my joy…

“Ha, good try – almost got me – but I’ll just turn up the joy!”

What a revelation! It’s like viewing my day-to-day reality as some kind of “game”. Feeling that “slip” in my energy and immediately catching it and shifting back to joy…

The net result of this experiment so far is really being “present” in the moment – really feeling alive and aware.

I’m not anticipating or looking for situations to test me

I’m just proceeding as I would normally through my day – except I feel a palpable emotional sheen – I literally feel brighter – calmer and more grounded.

I now see where many of my reactions would have been from an autopilot/habitual “place”. I’ve actually started to react in the “old” habitual manner – immediately caught myself and laughed it off…

Not until you do something like this consciously – with your eyes wide-open do you realize how seamless the “old” reaction you don’t want – can take place. Because it’s been so automatic and habitual.

So far this first day of the three day experiment has already allowed me to consciously step back from a couple of minor situations that would have triggered some worry or concern – but I can see so clearly now there was no reason for a worry or concern reaction. It would be pointless – just energy robbing.

Hmm...

How many pointless energy robbing situations have accumulated during a typical day – one on top of another – I haven’t been aware of? Each one sucking it’s share of my life force into it’s own dark hole – neutralizing my vitality and joy?

You know what? I feel fairly energized right now and the day isn’t half over – this alone is a good sign…

I’ll add more to this post later…

On a lighter note: Here’s a video of “When Love Comes Again” from my new web site Our Special Secret.com hope you enjoy! click here

-Bob Baran

If you know it – you may be the exception

Most people don’t know how little “life energy” they allow to flow through them…

They have no idea what it feels like to feel exhilarated from sheer inspiration. Whether from riding a wave of knowingness as you enter unexplored creative territory – or just experience the day-to-day things of life with a joyful exuberance…

I’m not talking about a rush of adrenaline from doing something exciting – or a rapidly decaying emotional spike that comes from being temporarily motivated.

What I’m describing is really knowing “anything is possible”

Really feeling like the Universe “has your back”. Whatever comes your way is another opportunity to understand yourself and life. Because you know you’re going to land on your feet and everything is going to work out…

Imagine living like you have nothing to worry about!

What if you woke up tomorrow morning inspired – fully energized and alive – and met the day’s experiences with pure joyful energy? How do you think your day would turn out?

How about a “three days of joy” experiment?

Get the calendar out and cross off three days in a row. The challenge is consciously not allowing anything to “jolt your joy”…

You know, catch yourself before you react to something unexpected. Not let anything upset you or get you “down”… Laugh it off!

I’m only talking about three days here. It’s doable – like playing a game you know you can win – if you try….

I’m going to do it!

I’ll keep a journal and post some of my own experiences… This should be fun! Three days of pure joy…

It could be the beginning of a “trend”!

On a lighter note: Here’s a video of “When Love Comes Again” from my new web site Our Special Secret.com hope you enjoy! click here

-Bob Baran

This isn’t easy to write about.

We’ve all faced this:

You have a friend you care about. You see he or she is stuck and their life is on a downward spiral.

Talking to that person about what you “see” is answered with all kinds of reasons, excuses and rationalizations for their continuing to do what they’re doing.

They may even react with hurt or anger that you would “see” them that way…

Then they will attempt to evoke your compassion, pity and often try to make you feel guilty. Try to make you feel their pain. All as a means of deflecting taking personal responsibility for their life choices… It’s called denial.

Now here’s when it gets frightening::

They admit they’re aware they have a problem. For a time they make a point of showing you how well they’re doing… And, of course as his or her friend – it’s easy for you to be supportive and encouraging for what seems to be real progress…

Then yet another “falling down” takes place.

You’re heart sinks. It’s only been a few days.

You hear the same excuses all over again. It’s like you’re having the same conversation over and over. You realize this is a pattern.

You know something is very wrong… No matter what your friend says or does – you can clearly see the crash is coming.

Without your realizing it – you’ve become an enabler…

A captive audience. Where everything that person says to you is really only for one purpose: To validate whatever they’re thinking or doing…

Finally you’re inner alarm is ringing! So what do you do?…

I’ve been faced with this more than once.

When I finally realize that someone I care about is not going through a “normal phase” in their life – the kind of thing that happens to all of us and we eventually “heal” from – but is repeating some kind of deep emotional loop… Only now for whatever reason it’s escalating in a big way.

I tell that person – in my honest opinion as their friend – they must seek professional help because something is going on they are not aware of – that is clearly overriding their best interest.

If that person continues without seeking help – I have to draw the line – and begin to sever my “emotional ties”. Especially when I reach the point of feeling utterly drained when dealing with that individual.

You see, the question is: Are you going to go “down” with that person?

When you know someone needs professional help it may require an emotional jolt – a friend saying “no more” to “get through” to their ego – and get their attention.

We all want to offer love and compassion to those we care about.

But, you have to first and foremost trust and love yourself. When you recognize your friendship has changed into enabling your friend’s self-destructive behavior…

It becomes your personal responsibility to stop.

It may be one of the most difficult decisions you will have to make.

You may feel like you’re abandoning that person. Don’t be surprised if they try to make you feel that way…

You have to see the bigger picture:

When a person you care about refuses to get help and continues to lay their “desperate reality” on you… Nobody is to blame but you when you notice your own life moving in a direction you don’t want.

>Because your time and energy is being “taken” from you…

With your permission.

On a lighter note: Here’s a video of “When Love Comes Again” from my new web site Our Special Secret.com hope you enjoy! click here

-Bob