The Best Years of Your Life… Now!

On the other hand you can choose real healing:

For some, this will be the more emotionally painful route. But, and this is important – facing the truth about how your ego/personality had become the “ruler and rationalizer” of your life – and taking personal responsibility for those actions – is the quickest path to clearing away – once and for all – misplaced efforts and questionable assumptions that have conspired over time to rob you of your joy.

Plowing through that mountain of rationale and getting your ego/personality back to it’s subservient role (to your Higher Self) is a one-time pain…

You don’t have to keep going through it again and again

Like you would if you choose to deny… Denial is nothing more than pain deferred. Not pain dissolved.

Remember:

Denying and avoiding now only sets you up for the next much more painful emotional experience. Yeah, it keeps getting worse until it finally gets your attention…

Consciously choosing to be the victim as your preferred “healing methodology” is not really healing at all. Just rebuilding your ego.

It’s the emotional equivalent of “self medication”.

Personal responsibility (no matter how unjustified it feels) is a one-time clearing, learning and growing experience. For many, accepting full responsibility is fraught with the feeling that you are betraying yourself (which is true from the standpoint of your ego).

However, your true self/higher self- which requires no rationalization for its’ existence (as does the ego) – is fully capable of accepting responsibility for the creation of it’s life experience…

The contrast between joy and pain

…is the ultimate lesson waiting to reveal itself in every life experience when you’re finally willing to consider – “what if I really did set all this up?”

You’ll begin a remarkable journey asking yourself the hard questions – and fearlessly accepting the truth about yourself.

You see, most people avoid this kind of ruthlessly honest introspection throughout their life. They never expunge their false notions because their ego keeps a tight lid on what they will even consider.

That’s why most are doomed to repeat the same emotional journey- no matter how different the “stage, players or script” happens to be next time around.

It’s called being stuck.

On a lighter note: Here’s a video of “When Love Comes Again” from my new web site Our Special Secret.com hope you enjoy! click here

-Bob Baran

Healing and recovering from emotional trauma – the end of a relationship, thing or experience – doesn’t have guidelines

You can’t check your progress against some kind of accepted norm.

When emotional trauma causes the ego to collapse – if allowed to, the ego goes into self defense mode. Doing everything it can to maintain reality – even though a significant change has taken place.

The so-called steps of grieving aside – when it comes to healing from the breakup of a relationship – the degree of connection and how much you compromised on your “truth” in order to maintain the relationship – suddenly becomes a very painful – loud – reminder of one overwhelming and once again self evident truth…

Your “relationship reality” and who you became is what you talked yourself into in order to maintain the relationship.

You rationalized, compromised and became what you believed was necessary to continue the relationship. You made so many small “adjustments and compromises” over time – you would never recognize yourself – if you could “see” who you were at the peak of that relationship experience…

Now here’s the thing:

You can take a quick fix on the emotional pain by pointing a finger at the one who “betrayed” you – which from the ego’s standpoint would of course always be the “other” person in the relationship.

Then allow your ego to “run amok” – as it attempts to avoid pain -and you will invariably walk away from the experience convinced you were the victim… And, you’ll feel temporary relief.

“Hey, it wasn’t my fault because…”

Unfortunately, when you’re the victim no growth takes place. Because a victim absolves his or her self from personal responsibility.

(Obviously in some situations there really are victims – but I’m not talking about that – so let’s not go there now)

Denial of personal responsibility is just “pain deferred”.

I’m talking about the one-time pain of untangling your layers of justification – (maybe not so painful really) and recognizing that you made decisions all along – whatever the dynamics of the situation may have been – which led to the experience you had.

And, your decision to consciously choose to vindicate yourself by wearing the mantle of “victim” – means in reality – you are just setting yourself up for yet another experience where you once again empower yourself to become the victim.

Tomorrow: Part Two: Real Healing

On a lighter note: Here’s a video of “When Love Comes Again” from my new web site Our Special Secret.com hope you enjoy! click here

-Bob Baran

“What you need will always show up in your life”…

I remember hearing that all those years ago from someone I had on a pedestal. You know, bigger than life. Omniscient, omnipresent – the way you feel when you “fall in love” with a person or what they represent.

After the fall ( yeah, nobody can maintain their balance on a pedestal for too long) the simple admonishment about what I needed showing up in my life haunted me for years…

You see, I had to let go of the personality that brought me the message and see the truth in the message. It’s funny, how we can bias ourselves to profound truth because we judge the source rather than the message itself.

As if the “perfection” of the message must also be evident in the messenger to have any validity. In other words, if my ego judged the messenger to be less capable, honest, enlightened or whatever – I would dismiss the deeper truth of the message. Toss the baby out with the bath water.

Let’s skip ahead here…

As I’ve been moving through my personal transformation over the past months I’ve been re-aquiring certain “truths” that keep calling attention to themselves. One in particular is obviously about what you need showing in your life…

What I’m going to say now surprises even me because of how long it’s taken me to “get this”:

The only reason you don’t recognize what you “need” has come into your life is because you have trained yourself to have “expectations” of what you “need” coming to you in a certain “package” – a form you have already limited to your predetermined criteria.

In other words, if it isn’t wrapped with the color of ribbon you expect – you’ll never
recognize it for the “gift” that it really is…

In fact you’ll never see it as it moves so clearly into your life – because you have already filtered it out of your ken of reference.

This always happens when your expectations are ego based…

It never happens when you are operating from your higher self. Remember, higher self is unlimited possibilities – without the need to rationalize. Ego is pure rationalization – and the limiting life filter that brings along with it…

A recent example – in my life – put this into perspective for me

Over the past few weeks I had recognized I needed information, inspiration and direction in a few areas of my life… One in particular:

I wanted to reach my ideal weight and felt my ongoing “process” had become “stuck”…

So about a week ago I get this email from an internet marketer. (I get lots of ‘em)… For some reason a book he was talking about resonated with me. It didn’t resonate from a logical place – just a pure feeling, intuitive kind of thing…

So I clicked on Amazon and bought a copy. I spent the last couple of days reading it.

Guess what?

Not only did I “flip my internal weight loss switch” but to my amazement issues not connected to weight loss were also examined in great detail in the book – the very issues that I was seeking some kind of clarity…

Never in a million years would my intellect and experience cause me to look for answers in this particular book! But there they were – and left me astonished, humbled and yes, very grateful…

But it really raises a bigger question

How many times has exactly what you want and need appeared in your life? Time and time again. You miss it because of the perspective you choose to experience life from (your ego).

How often have you cheated yourself out of the joy and fulfillment you really want and need?

Suddenly, the phrase: Getting out of your own way – has a much more profound overtone
than just some cliche…

At least it does for me.

On a lighter note: Here’s a video of “When Love Comes Again” from my new web site Our Special Secret.com hope you enjoy! click here

-Bob Baran

Talk about letting go!

Today begins my fourth day without coffee!

My wake up tonic of really strong hot black coffee (normally I only drink coffee in the mornings) so essential for that edgy feeling of being “on point” I’ve become so used to – is a habit I’ve tried to kick many times over the years…

Is it possible to become caffeine saturated? I think I was…

Every morning like a puppet controlled by an invisible master I stumbled into my kitchen – put three heaping scoops of the black course ground stuff in my coffee maker to make about three cups of coffee…

I told you I liked it strong.

I mean the fumes had a jolt and the coffee itself was awful – but I liked it. Slowly I would sip the really bad tasting brew – pondering my day as the rush of caffeine brought me to attention. And my mind started racing…

That’s been the problem.

I think it made me anxious and overreactive – edgy in not a good way.

I hate to think about how many unfinished projects were launched from a caffeine high – that chemically induced euphoric state I call “caffeine clarity”. The problem is, if you got started on anything – after a couple of hours you lost interest as the effects of the caffeine wore off.

Most coffee drinkers just drink more to maintain a consistent “edge” throughout the day. I didn’t. You could say I had “partially quit” a long time ago. My caffeine cut-off point was 12:00 noon – only occasionally when meeting someone (for coffee) would I break my rule.

The benefits:

I’m sleeping better! Such an obvious fix when I think about it. I’m way calmer – far more relaxed – it seems like a major reduction in “mind chatter”. You know racing from one idea and emotion to another…

You know, I like this more relaxed version of myself.

It’ll be interesting as I get used to this more relaxed “place” how much more productive I become…

Okay, I confess – I had a cup of green tea this morning – but only one tea bag.

On a lighter note: Here’s a video of “When Love Comes Again” from my new web site Our Special Secret.com hope you enjoy! click here

-Bob

I’m talking about your “personal headline”…

The first words out of your mouth when somebody says:

“How’s it going?”

Those words affect your life more than possibly anything you may do the rest of the day… The reason?

Post hypnotic suggestion.

This is so obvious we tend to be blind to it’s continuing effects on our lives.
The words you choose to describe your current reality and expectations absolutely have a vibration – which attracts exactly what you expect into your life.

Let me give you an example:

I had an Uncle – who passed – some years back… Every time I saw him I’d ask how he was doing. His answer every time:

“Could be better”.

He had a very palpable “aura” of foreboding around him you could feel. It was actually uncomfortable to be in his presence.

I’m not going to bore you with the details – but his life was a disaster. Some kind of unexpected “slippery slope” situation was always plaguing this poor soul.

I never understood until I was older why the other members of our “family” seemed to shun him… Keeping him at arms length. I think it was a “primal” subconscious reaction to his “vibe”…

He never changed his story in all the years I knew him. What he said was a habitual response. A self-fulfilling prophecy… A cumulative post-hypnotic suggestion. His habitual response was an unconscious affirmation which reinforced his apprehensive worldview.

So, what’s your story? Your unconscious affirmation? Your post-hypnotic suggestion? Your self-fulfilling prophecy?

Are the first words out of your mouth joyful optimism because your life is great and your prospects are unlimited? Or do you subdue your reaction – not wanting to appear too joyful or too optimistic?

My suggestion: Don’t hold back! You are painting your reality and your future with your words.

Frankly, it’s time to flood our day to day realities with words like: Fantastic, unbelievable, incredible, marvelous and wonderful!

YES!…

On a lighter note: Here’s a video of “When Love Comes Again” from my new web site Our Special Secret.com hope you enjoy! click here

-Bob Baran