The Best Years of Your Life… Now!

Now I want to address the second reason…

I call this the “gunny-sacker”

This is the person who never really forgets, forgives and moves on.

The worst type of “gunny-sacker” is the one who claims they’ve moved on and “let go” of the past only to have it continue to build under the surface until one day it explodes! And all that pent-up anger and bitterness is revealed! Classic “passive-aggressive” behavior.

It’s classic behavior because from all outward appearances – everything seems okay with this person. They maintain a fairly consistent demeanor over time. But he or she may be the greatest of all frauds! What they really feel and who they really are is something they continue to suppress.

This suppression comes from “fear of confrontation” – In other words, they simply keep avoiding dealing with their truth in a given situation – misleading others who may also be involved in their day-to-day life with a false-front. So, when the “gunny-sacker” reveals their true nature – everybody is surprised by the totally out of character behavior.

The only people not surprised by the “new” behavior are those who have known this person throughout their life. Especially family members who have seen this pattern so many times before. They are the ones who just seem to stand by waiting for the “true behavior” to appear. They are not surprised at all – in fact, they often enable the behavior!

Of the two types of people I’ve described beginning with the last blog post – this “second” type is the most entrenched. Ultimately the most dishonest when it comes to dealing with how they feel. Since their main objective is to “please someone” or “mollify” a given situation – because of their fear of a confrontation – they have a fear of expressing how they really feel.

It is very easy for this type of person to adapt a “persona” which from the outside makes them look very stable and pleasant.

The danger is when this individual is finally triggered into revealing their true nature… Who they really are under the surface.

Like I said, only those with a long-term history with this type of an individual will not be surprised by how they act…

How do you recognize this type of person?

Lot’s of unfounded fear. Which flies in the face of who their “persona” claims to be. I’ve actually seen someone freeze in the face of danger – where the normal reaction would be “fight or flight”. This unnatural fear of confronting the situation at hand with a healthy basic survival instinct – could create a terrible feeling of “responsibility” for the welfare of this type of person for somebody close to them.

Can you imagine what it would be like to be married to someone like this? How you would be constantly concerned for this individual’s lack of normal self preservation reactions to the unexpected situations of day-to-day life?

It’s like having a child in an adult body who you fear cannot take care of their own safety - a terrible place to find yourself. But a double edged-sword when this action causes your concern for their welfare to be perceived as “your trying to control them”…

A no-win situation that far too many people have had to contend with!

The nightmare is watching your honest concern being turned into an ugly, awful untruth.

You need to pay attention to a couple of big things:

1. They act as if they forgive and forget – much more quickly than the “normal” time needed to heal from an emotional conflict. Be very careful when you experience this with someone. If they go from conflict to “instant happy” – in a manner of minutes -they may not be processing the experience fully and have instead “gunny-sacked” it by compartmentalizing the full emotion of the experience. It doesn’t go away – It’s actually placed upon a mountain of other experiences this individual is incapable of dealing with.

2. Pay real close attention to their past track record! What they have done through the years may be a very obvious pattern of a reoccurring deep seated emotional and psychological problem. You need to look beyond who they seem to be “right now” and take a look at the patterns of action which may be the real truth of who they are.

Unless that individual has had professional help and engaged in therapy, I would be very concerned about this person becoming a time-bomb you invite into your life.

Can you imagine being married to such a person for several years – building a life together – and one day this individual reverts back to a behavior you never before experienced? Yet was so clearly expressed again and again within the patterns of their past life experiences. Pay attention to reality!

I don’t think Stephen King has even written a more horrible and terrifying story – one that – until you experience it personally – seems totally unbelievable and impossible. The most horrifying part of this story is that in the end – you become the monster – everything you did – even your best intentions – are turned around on you!

In tomorrows blog post I’m going to discuss how to pull back from being controlled by your “construct” and finally allowing your true self – the “observer” – “the wise mind” to take back control of your autopilot reactions – and give you real peace, joy and the ability to experience true love in your life…

On a lighter note: Here’s a video of “When Love Comes Again” from my new web site Our Special Secret.com hope you enjoy! click here

-Bob Baran

In order to re-acquire your true self you have to examine what happened that caused your “construct” to rule your life…

For many of us it happens in one of two ways:

1. Over a long period of time we “harmonize” our attitudes, opinions and beliefs with those we surround ourselves with. I call this the “chameleon effect”. A chameleon literally disappears and becomes part of whatever it clings to. Have you ever watched a chameleon change it’s colors?

Too many individuals who are afraid to take a position in which they draw a “line in the sand” to maintain their personal truth – because they are afraid of “losing” friendship, love or the need for personal connection – begin to incrementally compromise their truth in order to “fit into” the situation or relationship they desire to maintain.

We all tend to do this to a lessor or greater degree. But when it’s done in a manner which causes you to “lose yourself” – you become a time-bomb! It’s just a matter of time before all those incremental compromises can no longer be sustained.

Let me make this clear:

Evolving and growing requires modification to what you consider to be your truth. But the modification is built upon the foundation of your truth – it is not a compromise of your truth… This is a very important difference.

When you’re growing – you evolve – when you compromise you shrink…

The net effect of compromising your truth over time is that you forget the essence of who you are – and begin to live your life through a series of attitudes, opinons and beleifs – which are now based on so many compromises of your truth. You are no longer “yourself”. You are literally a construction (construct) of all of these compromises you’ve made over time – which create so many filters by which you experience day-to-day life… Thus your “world-view” is in direct conflict with what you really believe.

I mentioned earlier that if you continue to compromise your truth you become a time-bomb. I say this because it’s just a matter of time before the suppressed anxiety and panic of your “truth” not being expressed will at some point cause you to over-react to some situation in your daily life…

The reaction will always appear to be way out of proportion to the event… Often times not having any apparent connection to the real issue at hand.

This is a natural powerful psychological warning system most of us ignore or are afraid to acknowledge. We throw all kinds of excuses and reasons to justify this over reaction.

The truth is it’s a powerful warning sign that you’re in trouble.

You should seek professional help to understand the cause and pull back from these over-reactions. Why? Because you’re reactions are going to continue to escalate! This is a normal process of the internal alarm – an emotional alarm – that we too often sweep under the carpet because we don’t understand what’s going on with ourselves…

If unchecked – it will one day overwhelm you and the situation you find yourself in. You will act in a manner which is totally out of proportion to the event and cause yourself and those around you great damage… Or even worse you may find yourself suffering from chronic illnesses stemming directly from the suppression of your natural emotional alarm system.

STOP BEING AFRAID TO FACE THE TRUTH ABOUT YOURSELF AND YOUR CURRENT SITUATION…

In tomorrows blog post I will examine the second reason why your construct overwhelms you and begins to rule your life. This is when the chameleon effect – all those little compromises you have been making – are buried and denied until the inner anxiety is finally triggered… And you find yourself doing and feeling things you never imagined you were capable of…

On a lighter note: Here’s a video of “When Love Comes Again” from my new web site Our Special Secret.com hope you enjoy! click here

-Bob Baran

Back in May I thought I was done…

5 months later it’s been like a lifetime of experiences – and realizations from my life’s journey I need to share:

There are three distinct parts to you. This is the “triangle” of who you are at anytime. On the bottom left of the triangle is your rational/irrational mind. On the bottom right is your emotional mind. Above those two is the “Observer”- what cognitive therapists refer to as the “wise mind”…

You’ve experienced the Observer. It’s that part of you that “watches” the other two parts of you as they take over and react to life’s situations in a manner that the Observer is as surprised as those who may also be experiencing the same situation with you.

You know how it feels. It’s like you’re watching someone else react even though it’s you or I should say the lower left or right side of the three parts that comprise your whole. We’ve all been there. Some of us way too often… And the negative realities of our current day-to-day life echoes all those times we lost touch with our higher self – the Observer.

Your “personality” is a construct – a mental mechanism – which attempts to balance the lower left and lower right parts of yourself. In some of us – when we are out of balance the “personality” overrides the Observer and goes into autopilot – automatic reactions – triggered habits from years and decades past which may no longer apply to who we think we are but become how we deal with what faces us in the moment when the “stimulus” ignites and plays the recordings of those habits – habits we may not even be conscious of until the instant they “take over”.

Then we experience our worst fears…

And our true self – the Observer – watches our life dream suddenly shift into a nightmare – as our personality construct takes even greater control over how we react to the situation – as it justifies it’s reactions by rationalizing what it’s feeling… Usually fear.

If it continues out of control – we literally experience a personality change…

But here’s the thing…

Just below the surface – your true self – the Observer – is always waiting and ready to reassume control over your other parts. The thing is- you have to “let go” of personality control. Consciously disconnect yourself from the overriding “personality program” and allow your true self to re-acquire how you continue to react.

True self – the Observer – will break the power of the autopilot only when you consciously override the personality construct…

Remember: YOUR PERSONALITY IS NOT WHO YOU REALLY ARE!

How do you begin to re-acquire your true self? You first have to realize what’s going on. Your personality construct is going to fight you with a lot rationale about why it should continue down the path it’s chosen for you. It’s promise of greater happiness is usually a huge lie – because of all of the misery it’s creating for you along the way…

How do you know the difference between your personality construct ruling your life versus your true self – the Observer?

Your personality construct is constantly justifying itself. It will supply you with endless reasons, blaming, excuses – all designed to keep itself in control. It will also throw a lot of fearful feelings on you. Literally changing how you perceive reality in order to more fully support it’s assumptions. It will twist the truth without you realizing it.

On the other hand your true self – the Observer – never has to justify itself. It is always safe, calm and knowing. It never experiences fear, uncertainty and doubt – how can it? It’s your higher self.

Do you see the difference between the two?

In tomorrow’s blog post I’m going to explain how to re-acquire your true self when you are “stuck” in a reactionary personality construct.

I’m speaking from direct recent experience here…

On a lighter note: Here’s a video of “When Love Comes Again” from my new web site Our Special Secret.com hope you enjoy! click here

-Bob Baran

There are a few times in life when you are taken away – stunned by the unexpected.  This is the case with singer Susan Boyle.

If you haven’t heard about her go to “YouTube”  and put her name in the search feature.

Watching a direct connection from her heart through her voice to our ears and hearts is beyond anything I have ever experienced.  It’s hard to describe – you can’t put such a thing into words – but the experience leaves you humbled – touched – and satisfied on a level that makes you believe “there is a God”.

It’s not the way she looks – not her demeanor – it’s her wide open heart as she stood there all alone on that stage  -  so pure and unadulterated – she was more powerful than the audience that judged her first on outer appearance – then melted and were taken to levels of joy that will make memories for a lifetime.  The first time you hear Susan sing, she breaks through all your layers of skepticism and immediately fills you with awe.

You’ll see what I mean when you watch her performance.

Don’t forget the kleenex to wipe away the tears of joy and astonishment.

On a lighter note: Here’s a video of “When Love Comes Again” from my new web site Our Special Secret.com hope you enjoy! click here

-Bob Baran

To the new President elect,

You are about to inherit a world in as much chaos as one embroiled in a world war.

So I don’t expect too much from you — as far as the government making drastic changes and starting new programs, etc., —  no matter what campaign promises you made.   It’s not going to happen for one simple reason:  

NO MONEY!

As soon as the election is over the “other shoe” is going to drop!

 Kind of like when you take your car in for collision repair — they always tell you that the “cost estimate” doesn’t include “hidden damage”.  I think there’s a lot of “hidden damage” that’s going to now be “discovered” as far as the global financial crisis and the expanding world economic recession is concerned.

Let’s not forget that there are forces beyond the control of any government now in play globally which will determine the “new rules” and the “new playing field” in the weeks and months to come.

Mr. President elect, your only real power may be to inspire us and the rest of the world to put our attention on “a better future”  and once and for all, break the hold of “dread” that seems to have cast a pall on all of us since “9/11″.

Please don’t promise us anything  — except that you will use your power to help us feel better about ourselves and our future.

We can do the rest.

Maybe that’s what a President really should be — the ultimate cheerleader! Someone who makes you proud to be who you are — focuses on what’s possible and points us in a direction that enables us to be confident in the future and willing to believe in our dreams.

We need you to inspires us with hope — not distract us with fear, uncertainty and doubt. 

Inspiration from you can change the world.

Mr. President elect,  good luck!

-Bob Baran