The Best Years of Your Life… Now!

I was contact by an old friend recently.

She had confided in me a few years ago about serious apprehensions, regarding her fiance and marriage. I recall asking some pointed questions. Lke: “What are your reasons for considering marriage”? Based on the answers, I cautioned her not to jump into marriage. She was young and from the perspective of of someone 30 years her elder, many things would change in her life in the next two or three years. “Give yourself some time”, I said.

She didn’t listen.

Less than three years later she has a child and is living alone. When she contacted me she made a reference to our previous conversation: “You kind of predicted this, didn’t you?”…Sadly, I explained to her that you can often accurately predict the outcome of a situation based upon the reasoning given for the actions taken…

In other words, it was no surprise to me.

Your attitudes, opinions and beliefs create a kind of predictability to your decisions and actions. The situations you then find yourself in are the ramifications of those decisions and actions. It doesn’t require a psychic to accurately predict how something is probably going to turn out… Especially when those decisions are being made based upon the ever shifting, easily manipulated attitudes, opinions and beliefs which is the foundation of “immaturity”.

Sorry kid, your reasons for getting married had little to do with the profound commitment two people make to each other… As I recall, you didn’t understand that part of it.

Your reasoning was destined to quickly collapse with a little bit of life experience. You see, only now are you finally beginning to question yourself. What is becomming important to you now had very little to do with your decision 3 years ago. Back then you were honest with me but couldn’t bring yourself to speak with the same honesty to the man you decided to marry.

Which means you were not able to feel safe being honest with yourself.

You got caught up in the whirlwind of the adventure. (of getting married) Once the wind calmed down and the day to day stuff of life took over, you found yourself in a place you didn’t want to be. You were married but still felt alone. The connection you wanted to have with your man just wasn’t there… It never was there and you knew it before you got married…

There is a great life lesson here:

You must become honest with yourself and always acknowledge the truth you know and feel. The fear of losing something or someone has been the reason for more misery than any other factor of human existence. You have an opportunity to get in touch with your true self now. It won’t be a dramatic awakening… it will happen in steps. You need to guard and protect this new relationship, as you begin to make friends with this “person”. She has been waiting and is ready to be your best friend.

Look in the mirror and say “hello”!

-Bob Baran

Sometimes a good person can hold onto a bad feeling which takes on it’s own life. I’m talking about a “grudge”.

Having a grudge is a symptom of feeling betrayed and wronged by someone. The grudge builds over time because you are unable to address this situation with that person in a manner that brings closure. So you continue to replay the situation and every time it happens you are still powerless to change the outcome.

No matter how you think about what took place it will always turn out the way it does.

You were hurt and betrayed by someone… and a part of you wants get even. You want them to feel the same pain you feel.

Because you physically are unable to do that (which is good!), you do it in your mind. Where it festers and robs you of your energy. Pretty soon you are surprised at how this grudge begins to color many other aspects of your life, like your attitude and expectations.

Now it’s time to do something for yourself.

You must decide to break the control, the person or situation which caused the grudge, has over you. That’s right you are still under the control of what has now become just a memory. There is only one solution which will once and for all free you from the shackles of this unresolved memory.

FOGIVENESS!

Only you can use the power of forgiveness to, once and for all, break the “loop”. Replaying the memory of the unresolved situation that has now become a painful memory. It’s probably not even a memory anymore it’s just a feeling.

Forgiveness is actually your way of really getting back at the person who wronged you! How is this possible?

When you are able to think about a situation or an individual with a complete lack of emotion (dispassionately) you have taken back the control you lost to what triggered the feeling associated with the person or situation. In other words you and you alone can have the final “say so”. You have the power to make the situation finally go your way.

Forgiveness gives you the ability to say “I’m through with you…because I now feel nothing what-so-ever about you or the situation…therefore I win!”.

Forgiveness does not absolve anyone of responsibility. It only acts as means to free yourself from any further pain. I’ve written an article on forgiveness you can read here. The principle of forgiveness is covered in depth in the 24 lesson “Intentional Prosperity™ Essentials” online interactive program.

I believe forgiveness is a powerful healing process that is always in your own best interest…because it puts you back in control… and one of the reasons a grudge continues to grow over time is because the anger you feel gives you a false feeling of control… Only forgiveness really puts you in control and allows you to have the final “say so”.

So forgive and keep forgiving until you have no emotional reaction to the person or situation with which you been holding on to the grudge with.

-Bob Baran

I am convinced that the fear of happiness is the result of a conditioning process.

Happiness is a form of passion.

It is a “letting go and surrendering to” kind of experience. The problem is all to often as children we are reprimanded, criticized or punished when we have “let go” and indulged in unrestricted fits of happiness.

So what happens? We associate our natural healthy desire for happiness, which is for all intents and purposes the process of finding our passion with an activity that will ultimately bring us a negative outcome. We avoid anything that brings us emotional pain or discomfort. If we have been conditioned to feel bad, because someone told us it was wrong to feel the joyful out of control feeling that comes with being happy, then it’s no surprise that we may justify living a life with little real happiness. The worst case is actually believing that this empty life is the way we are supposed to live… A so-called “normal life”.

The net result is the lack of passion and a fear of happiness.

You don’t look for happiness and you become concerned about experiencing it. Your fear of upsetting your current “applecart” is so great you create layer upon layer of rationale. It effectively acts as a fence keeping the potentially life changing effects of happiness distanced from your life.

That ongoing conditioning results in you justifying and accepting a life which is very controlled, predictable and consistent. You do what you believe you are expected to do. You live a life where joy and fulfillment are always second to the maintaining of your “responsibilities”. Happiness becomes little more than a dull calm instead of the source of energy it is supposed to be.

The first responsibility you have is to live a life where joy and fulfillment is your priority.

Every medical and mental health authority backs up the notion that people who are happy and fulfilled tend to be in better physical and mental health. It should be no surprise that the largest single class of prescribed drugs happens to be anti-depressants!

You can’t cure repressed or denied joy and fulfillment with a drug.

-Bob Baran

The neat thing about our celebrating the new year is that we give ourselves permission to “let go” of the past year. It’s kind of like unloading the weight of “what was” you’ve been carrying around with you.

Thank goodness many of us share a cultural tradition of doing this at least once a year. It is hard to imagine that in many parts of the world nobody lets go of anything. In fact, generations of people maintain their ancient anger over situations which have no direct relevance to their current reality. Blaming that situation for the problems they and their ancestors have faced through time.

Many of us have similar situations which have taken place during our own lifetimes.

Traumatic events which altered the course of our lives. Maybe we have brought closure and resolution to those situations. If so we are able to view them in a unemotional manner.

One the other hand, if we are still haunted by emotional ghosts from past memories, it may be time to consciously minimize and dissipate the residue of those incidents. Like it or not they continue to play a role in your day to day life.

Unresolved issues control your attitudes, opinions and beliefs. Your life will never be your own until you break the emotional chains that continue to bind you to unresolved memories.

There is one powerful process which enables you to break free of the “mind control” of unresolved memories… Forgiveness!

Forgiveness is the principle of consciously stopping two primary activities which sustain an unresolved memory:

1. Replaying the memory as a “what if”. What if this or that could have happened, how would things have turned out different?

2. Seeking retribution, justice or some manner which will assign the proper blame to the participants of the situation.

In both cases you are attempting to change history.

You can’t change history, you can only change your perception of it. Forgiveness is the process of exercising your power to change how you will consciously relate to your past. You can either learn and grow from your past experiences or you can choose to continue to use your past as an excuse for not fully engaging yourself in the present.

Reliving a past traumatic experience or “denying it” takes you away from focusing your attention on “now”.

Forgiveness is doing something for yourself. It is the only “selfish act” I know of that is always in your own best interest and the best interest of those around you… and in some cases may be the only “good” that can possibly come from past memory.

You have the power to free yourself from the closed loop of an emotional prison. You just have to recognize that it is for you to decide to use this power. Use it! Forgive yourself and forgive anyone else you feel has wronged you. It does not change the reality of the past actions… It just gives you the ability to put into perspective your role in those actions while giving you the ultimate power to once and for all determine how that memory will resolve itself.

Forgive what has been and embrace what will be!

-Bob Baran

I’ve been using the phrase “trust yourself” for more years than I can remember.

The funny thing is that what I’ve been saying all along is actually “trust your intuition”!

It’s that inner voice inside that speaks in the language of feeling. It may also be the sudden glimpse or vision of something which does indeed take place at a later time …Intuition speaks to us in many ways. The problem is we often don’t know whether it’s our intuition or our imagination!

You see, your intuition is a part of your imagination.

They both reside in the right brain or quantum mind. Think of it a the part of you that has unlimited abilities so it’s not surprising that it may be possible to confuse “what you want” with an intuitive feeling. This is why many people don’t trust their inner voice/intuition because they have probably trusted the wrong message.

This is a common occurrence because intuition can be subtle nudge …It’s only when the “alarm bells” go off that we tend to pay attention to it. In order to be able to discern the difference between real intuition and your preconceived notions you must learn to “hear” the more subtle inner language of intuition.

This is going to require some trial and error but the payoff is more personal power and confidence.

It allows you to bring all of your abilities to the table of life.

-Bob Baran