The Best Years of Your Life… Now!

Healing and recovering from emotional trauma – the end of a relationship, thing or experience – doesn’t have guidelines

You can’t check your progress against some kind of accepted norm.

When emotional trauma causes the ego to collapse – if allowed to, the ego goes into self defense mode. Doing everything it can to maintain reality – even though a significant change has taken place.

The so-called steps of grieving aside – when it comes to healing from the breakup of a relationship – the degree of connection and how much you compromised on your “truth” in order to maintain the relationship – suddenly becomes a very painful – loud – reminder of one overwhelming and once again self evident truth…

Your “relationship reality” and who you became is what you talked yourself into in order to maintain the relationship.

You rationalized, compromised and became what you believed was necessary to continue the relationship. You made so many small “adjustments and compromises” over time – you would never recognize yourself – if you could “see” who you were at the peak of that relationship experience…

Now here’s the thing:

You can take a quick fix on the emotional pain by pointing a finger at the one who “betrayed” you – which from the ego’s standpoint would of course always be the “other” person in the relationship.

Then allow your ego to “run amok” – as it attempts to avoid pain -and you will invariably walk away from the experience convinced you were the victim… And, you’ll feel temporary relief.

“Hey, it wasn’t my fault because…”

Unfortunately, when you’re the victim no growth takes place. Because a victim absolves his or her self from personal responsibility.

(Obviously in some situations there really are victims – but I’m not talking about that – so let’s not go there now)

Denial of personal responsibility is just “pain deferred”.

I’m talking about the one-time pain of untangling your layers of justification – (maybe not so painful really) and recognizing that you made decisions all along – whatever the dynamics of the situation may have been – which led to the experience you had.

And, your decision to consciously choose to vindicate yourself by wearing the mantle of “victim” – means in reality – you are just setting yourself up for yet another experience where you once again empower yourself to become the victim.

Tomorrow: Part Two: Real Healing

On a lighter note: Here’s a video of “When Love Comes Again” from my new web site Our Special Secret.com hope you enjoy! click here

-Bob Baran

What I’m about to tell you just happened to me Friday night…

I had just dropped off my friend at his apartment after fun night of meeting people and having many great conversations. It was almost 1:00 am and his last words were:

“Be careful it’s really slippery out here”.

Was it ever! He lived in my old neighborhood on Logan St., in Helena, MT. Ironically right across the street from my old house and the recording studio my former wife and I had converted into Condo’s several years ago.

I wasn’t worried. I’ve got serious snow tires: Michelin “x-ice” cause, this is Montana and you do what you got to do to keep mobile – and I live about 15 miles or so out of town….

Im a really careful driver but what happened next is astonishing!

As I’m heading out of town – going less than the speed limit on a four laner with a concrete median dividing it into two lanes of opposing traffic – and with the city band shell and swimming pool to my right I feel the rear end of my car slip….

Wow, the road was sheer black ice…

I corrected and the car realigned itself. I was slowing down and suddenly – it was like the rear end of the car had it’s own mind and started to “go faster” than the front end of my car…

The car was out of control and started to spin to my right!

At this point a gas station was now on my right side and the front of my car was pointing at the pumps – I was unable to stop my four thousand pound rear-drive Lexus – and this lead sled was now spinning out of control at almost 35 miles per hour!

My first reaction was “WTF!”

I consciously relaxed into the experience and instinctively reacted. I heaved a quick sigh of relief as the front end continued spinning beyond the gas station.

Okay, no explosion! But it wasn’t over as the inertia of the spinning car was about to hit the raised center median – with about an eight inch curb!

Either the car was going to flip from a side impact or the car was going to continue careening over the other two lanes and off the other side of the road somewhere.

I never doubted I was going to be okay and I let the “experience play out”… What happened next I can’t explain. It still doesn’t make sense to me from a logical standpoint.

I know I hit the median…

The next thing I knew I was standing still on the other side of the median which was the left hand turning lane – my car facing in the right direction…

I was stunned.

The car was going at least 35 mph (it was a downhill grade)
and was out of control… But there I was – as if nothing had happened.

My first reaction was a verbal “Thank you” – then I told my car how grateful I was for it protecting me that way…

I’ve always told my car how wonderful it is…

I saw the headlights of a car approaching in my rear-view mirror so I simply put my left turn signal on and made the left turn about 50 feet ahead and proceed cautiously home…

That was the first (oncoming) traffic to appear… From their point of view I was just somebody making a normal left hand turn….

I believe something beyond a rational explanation had taken place.

A four thousand pound object going 35 mph cannot come to a complete stop in two or three feet. But that’s exactly what happened.

And what are the odds it would be standing still – facing the right direction perfectly aligned with the curb in a left turn lane?

Remember: The car was spinning to the right – if it was spinning to the left it might make sense ending up in the right direction on the other side of the median – and by the way, the left turn lane was also covered in black ice. With no (oncoming) traffic until I was ready to proceed.

None of this is a coincidence… And, no “magic bullet” theory can explain this away.

A few weeks ago, I began consciously intending, knowing and accepting that “the Universe has my back”… That I am protected.

This is only one of a series of inexplicable experiences I’ve had since I chose to accept this belief as my day-to-day reality…

For me this was another instance of proof!

Another indication that my life was going to continue to work itself out for the best. As it has been.

I could be in the hospital right now or worse – and my car could have been totaled…. A head-on crash with another car.

But, there was absolutely no body damage – not even the front-end going out of alignment. No trauma to my car and No trauma to me…

Just an incredible, humbling reminder I’m so grateful for…

That the Universe has my back! I am protected. Things will continue to work out in my life – better than I expected.

The Law of Intentional Expectancy is real.

On a lighter note: Here’s a video of “When Love Comes Again” from my new web site Our Special Secret.com hope you enjoy! click here

-Bob Baran

Someone I know very well just told me his Doctor said he has an incurable brain tumor.

I was stunned, saddened and felt helpless when I heard this.

He is such a remarkable man. One of the few true renaissance men I’ve ever known. He’s mastered so many ways of expressing himself – an incredible intellect and a truly wise man… The real deal.

When I asked him how he felt, I was surprised at what he said:

“I’m so relieved and grateful and happy to be alive!” Of course I was shocked by his answer so I asked him to please explain…

He said the last few years he had been living a nightmare…

The Doctor explained that his tumor had been slowly growing over many years in an area of his brain neurologists thought had something to do with triggering the flight or fight response. The part of you that experiences the sensation of panic.

My friend said he was actually relieved because he knew something wasn’t right for a long time…

It wasn’t until his symptoms had recently progressed to the point of being obvious to his Doctor -strange metallic taste in his mouth and other anomalies – he thought that somehow he had a psychological problem that was haunting his life… And, destroying everything he cared about as he helplessly watched things spin out of control.

The worst was with his former wife.

Time after time he said he told her something wasn’t right. Many times he would try to tell her as he was experiencing the profound panic his tumor was causing him. He went on to say that her reaction was always strangely passive… Like she just didn’t “get it”.

“Maybe because of her own deep seated emotional trauma she thought I was somehow pointing a finger at her or attacking her… When I was literally pleading for help – I didn’t understand why I was feeling and acting the way I was acting – I remember telling her that so many times too…

One day she left and never came back… What I came to realize is that if she had really loved and believed in the real me – she wouldn’t have thrown me away. She would have known in her heart – “hey something is wrong – this isn’t the man I know and love”… And, maybe we could have understood at a much earlier point in time that there was a physical thing going on.

That’s why I’m relieved…”

He was relieved to finally know that there was a physical cause for his reactions.

When I asked him about his future – what the prognosis was – he said:

“I have a few weeks according to my Doctor”. When he said that – I could barely swallow.

“But, let me tell you what I believe and know: I don’t have a tumor. I was given a message in the form of a physical manifestation that I have the power to dissolve… I know this.”

I knew exactly what he was talking about.

He is a practitioner of the Law of Attraction and has a deep knowingness about what he believes is really possible.

“I sleep better, I’m calmer and happier – and when I saw the Doctor last week he gave me even more time because he said the progression of the tumor has seemed to stop… He was puzzled, couldn’t explain it – I just smiled”.

When he said that we both laughed – “I get it – it’s already working isn’t it”? …I said.

“Of course, there isn’t any medicine and they can’t operate – but something’s changing already.”

I can see it now – he’s gonna write a book and get on “Oprah” or something. He hasn’t told anyone about this except me.

“The last thing I want is people sending me some kind of pity vibe – and I’m not sure I’ll ever talk about this after it’s behind me. Maybe this is just some kind of personal test of how much I really believe what I believe. I’m focused on how incredible I feel and how vibrant and healthy my body is. I consciously don’t consider any other possible outcome.”

I was floored.

All the stupid things you can waste time and energy on. And my good friend shows me what “knowingness” really is. What real belief is. Not some cliche that makes you sound evolved – but what you accept as reality when you’re all alone facing life and death.

That’s when you see the truth of who you know you are

Maybe in some strange way – it was all about getting that shallow woman who really didn’t believe in him – out of his life. I’ll have to bring that up to him the next time I talk to him. When I did, you know what his answer was?

“Hey, the Universe always has your back!”

What he said suddenly jolted me awake… My eyes opened with a big smile on my face and joy in my heart. The damn metallic taste…

I know 2011 is going to be an incredible year!…

I’m so happy to be alive.

On a lighter note: Here’s a video of “When Love Comes Again” from my new web site Our Special Secret.com hope you enjoy! click here

-Bob Baran

“What you need will always show up in your life”…

I remember hearing that all those years ago from someone I had on a pedestal. You know, bigger than life. Omniscient, omnipresent – the way you feel when you “fall in love” with a person or what they represent.

After the fall ( yeah, nobody can maintain their balance on a pedestal for too long) the simple admonishment about what I needed showing up in my life haunted me for years…

You see, I had to let go of the personality that brought me the message and see the truth in the message. It’s funny, how we can bias ourselves to profound truth because we judge the source rather than the message itself.

As if the “perfection” of the message must also be evident in the messenger to have any validity. In other words, if my ego judged the messenger to be less capable, honest, enlightened or whatever – I would dismiss the deeper truth of the message. Toss the baby out with the bath water.

Let’s skip ahead here…

As I’ve been moving through my personal transformation over the past months I’ve been re-aquiring certain “truths” that keep calling attention to themselves. One in particular is obviously about what you need showing in your life…

What I’m going to say now surprises even me because of how long it’s taken me to “get this”:

The only reason you don’t recognize what you “need” has come into your life is because you have trained yourself to have “expectations” of what you “need” coming to you in a certain “package” – a form you have already limited to your predetermined criteria.

In other words, if it isn’t wrapped with the color of ribbon you expect – you’ll never
recognize it for the “gift” that it really is…

In fact you’ll never see it as it moves so clearly into your life – because you have already filtered it out of your ken of reference.

This always happens when your expectations are ego based…

It never happens when you are operating from your higher self. Remember, higher self is unlimited possibilities – without the need to rationalize. Ego is pure rationalization – and the limiting life filter that brings along with it…

A recent example – in my life – put this into perspective for me

Over the past few weeks I had recognized I needed information, inspiration and direction in a few areas of my life… One in particular:

I wanted to reach my ideal weight and felt my ongoing “process” had become “stuck”…

So about a week ago I get this email from an internet marketer. (I get lots of ‘em)… For some reason a book he was talking about resonated with me. It didn’t resonate from a logical place – just a pure feeling, intuitive kind of thing…

So I clicked on Amazon and bought a copy. I spent the last couple of days reading it.

Guess what?

Not only did I “flip my internal weight loss switch” but to my amazement issues not connected to weight loss were also examined in great detail in the book – the very issues that I was seeking some kind of clarity…

Never in a million years would my intellect and experience cause me to look for answers in this particular book! But there they were – and left me astonished, humbled and yes, very grateful…

But it really raises a bigger question

How many times has exactly what you want and need appeared in your life? Time and time again. You miss it because of the perspective you choose to experience life from (your ego).

How often have you cheated yourself out of the joy and fulfillment you really want and need?

Suddenly, the phrase: Getting out of your own way – has a much more profound overtone
than just some cliche…

At least it does for me.

On a lighter note: Here’s a video of “When Love Comes Again” from my new web site Our Special Secret.com hope you enjoy! click here

-Bob Baran

The realization there would never be another chance for a Beatles reunion was the second shock we felt the day we learned John Lennon was gone.

We lost some kind of magic.

A certain anything is possible hopefulness about the future. We all crossed a
line together that day. An important part of our collective youth would become frozen in time.

He was never going to live long enough to disappoint any of us.

We’ll always look back remembering John was on a creative life journey. He didn’t care what anybody thought except Yoko, his Muse.

We loved what he did because we knew his heart – because he knew our heart.

Thirty years in that zone. It would have been astonishing to watch what happened – how he evolved.

So how does this happen?

What director of a life movie says “Time for a hiccup”…?

Here comes the defining scene we all dreaded – on some deep level – that would demarcate us into adulhood. In a surreal instant we lost someone who could speak to the tender gentle childlike part of us – reminding us about hope and joy.

With ear worms we loved to feed our minds to.

We always took time to listen what he brought us next – a communal indulgence of little time-outs of happy.

It’s hard to believe a twenty something with a funny haircut and collarless suit jacket – who landed in New York only 16 years before – was going to impact us in so many ways. He still is…

Did you know all the Beatles music has been remastered and is available for download at itunes?

I’ll bet you they’re going to sell a lot of music today.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeaaaaaaaah…”

On a lighter note: Here’s a video of “When Love Comes Again” from my new web site Our Special Secret.com hope you enjoy! click here

-Bob Baran