From the "Passion Unlocks Prosperity" series:
Fear Of Happiness: Part Two
I'm going to put forth a reason about fear of happiness you may not encounter anywhere else.
I have come to believe that being afraid of happiness may be the result of the greater fear of actually finding and experiencing love. Only to have it dissolve and disappear from your life.
The fear of happiness is being afraid of actually experiencing happiness...only to have it slip away.
For many this may be a greater pain than the pain of not experiencing it at all!
I have come to know many people over the course of my life that felt this way about the happiness of love. Because of the heartbreak they experienced as the result of falling in love and then having a break up of the relationship.
They have chosen to avoid repeating the pain by avoiding the situation altogether.
The fear of happiness: Finding happiness and then losing it.
Losing true love can be a pain greater than the pain of not knowing true love. For me, not experiencing true love was the greatest pain imaginable! I knew that it was something was missing at one point in my life and I was determined to find it.
So I am a firm believer (from personal experience) that you must be willing to allow your heart to break in order for you make it strong enough to finally sustain true love.
Allow your heart to break in order to make it stronger?
Love is, for most of us, a trial and error process. Often we fall in love for the right reasons but with the wrong person. Instead of picking ourselves up, dusting ourselves off and taking what we learned about ourselves (from the heartbreak we just experienced and trying again).
Many of us choose to simply protect ourselves from any further pain by not trying. Hence: The fear of happiness.
Finding happiness and true love is a process.
If you are fortunate enough to find the right person, someone you can trust completely with your heart and your life, then you know first-hand the profound joy and long-term happiness true love brings into your life. Achieving this long term happiness is going to require several steps... several heartbreaks... before we find our true soul mate.
Even though this may be true, we must still be willing to approach each new relationship with the mind set that this could be "the one". Until we find out whether or not it truly is "the one". If it is not, we then face the pain... but use it as a means of understanding and defining what true love really means to us.
If we allow our fear of happiness to prevent us from taking the risk we will never experience true love.
What is essential to our ultimate success in finding true love is allowing our broken hearts to heal stronger! That's right. Instead of retreating into self-pity, fear of happiness and hiding from potential pain.
Those of us who find true love had to pick our selves up and try again... I did.
Does that make me a "glutton for punishment"? I don't think so!
I cried myself to sleep too many times during my journey. I had to face my own fear of happiness! In order to find what I was really looking for I was going to have to be willing to risk everything.
Risk breaking my wide open heart...and when it did break I was going to have to allow it to heal stronger and become more open!
Until someone who was also seeking true love and had also approached life with a wide open heart recognized my heart... and I would recognize her heart.
You know what? It happened! We just celebrated our seventh wedding anniversary as I am writing this. So I'm not talking about theory here. It's from my own experience.
Sure, giving 100% of yourself, only to find out it isn't going to work, is devastating. It takes time to recover. Don't make your recovery an excuse to become cynical or reaffirm a deeply held belief that you somehow don't deserve to be happy.
You must make your healing process one that allows you to become more open, more sensitive and yes, more vulnerable!
The joy and fulfillment of true love is everything you ever dreamed of!
It's just that you have to "earn your right" to experience it. In the music business we call it "paying your dues"...In the world of relationships it means learning what is important to you and not compromising on your truth.
It also means "getting out there" and searching until you and the one you are supposed to be with recognize each other.
Don't let your fear of losing what you may find be the reason you don't even try!
When you are finally with the right person, you will not lose that person. It's not going to fall apart like the other relationships. It's going to get stronger and better as time goes on. You are going to feel safer and the love between you is going to deepen.
You are not to to "hit the wall" one day because there is no wall between you to hit.
That's why it's called true love! Whatever you have to go through to find it... it's worth it!
The day you run out of excuses
is the day your life changes...